Drowning

I am flooded with thoughts all the time.  Can't seem to get them out of my head.  This musical, this community, this process, all keep scrolling through my head.  What I need to do, what I want to do, what I do.  I can breathe, so I know I am not drowning, but it is here all the time.  I love it!
If you know me, which I don't let many do, you know I love to be involved.  I tend to obsess a bit when I am involved and it takes a lot of my time.  That is how I have always been, and always will be.  Maybe worse now, with my son in Phoenix.  I haven't seen him in over 4 months.  I miss him like crazy, but rarely have time to think about it. (see above)
I find the process the most intense.  I am a people watcher and boy, do I have some people to watch!  They share, they sing, they move, they emote (throw chairs)!  It is there, but I am watching.  Now, while I watch I am busy.  I am running the rehearsal tracks, I am watching, I am listening, I am working on all the graphics and the newsletter and the programs and thinking about the technical things that I have to figure out for the show, hearing people asking for more technical things, and trying to stay afloat on all of it.  See, drowning.
The thing is, I said I love it - and I do - but drowning has ALWAYS been the death I feared the most.  The idea of not being able to breathe, choking, gasping - just thinking about it kind of bothers my breathing and stress levels - so I will stop thinking about it.  I am breathing, doing something I love, no anxiety about being on stage, (I rarely make it that far, too much else to do) and wouldn't have it any other way (unless we do Beauty and the Beast - I soooo want to be Mrs. Potts).
The only thing I would like to change - being able to let others get to know me.  I am a closed book and keep it all in.  This blog is hard to write, just saying these things, but people around me are pouring their hearts out. I see it, I feel it, but can't necessarily "join" in, because, what happens if I do?  I stay safe in my busyness, loving it but sometimes, feeling unconnected.  I know I am not alone, but it's hard to know who else is like that (we are all closed up!).
I am so glad to be in this process, thinking about how people relate, how I relate.  This is hard but good.  I am not drowning, just swimming with some terrific folks, who I believe would save me if I went under.
Breathing easy!

Giddy as a School Girl

So, ever since auditions-which were awesome by the way-there have been several of us on the production team who have been texting like crazy.  Like school girls on the bus to a field trip at Turkey Run!  I remember those trips, always fun and just giddy.  How often did you get to spend a whole day with all of your friends and not have to open a book or listen to the teacher or eat cafeteria food?  That is how we've been.

At auditions we were on the bus to our great adventure.  When we got there it was SO much fun and that night, Sunday, after the cast had been set in stone, NONE of us could go to sleep.  I don't know what the others were doing, but I was lying in bed, my phone going off every couple of seconds in our school girl text-fest.  We were ridiculous and it was fun.  It was amazing.  It was what this whole show is about.  We were building our community and still are.  We text our RENT issues and concerns, we share who is being added to the cast, who might have unfortunately chosen to leave.

We ARE community and all want to share our excitement for it with the entire cast.  What a great group of people I get to produce with, get to commune with and get to create with.  I hope that everyone catches the giddy flu and gets as giddy as we do!  Tonight, dinner with some of the crew, talking about music, and our new cool-tool RehearseScore.  Can't wait to use it!

Off to school to get giddy! (And yes, Jesse, you are a giddy school girl too!)

Wowza

I have been involved in a few audition sessions with DLO as music director or director, but never experienced auditions like these.  Not only did we move the location, which was fine, a nice space with a different vibe, but we ran it as if we were "real" theatre.  Well, we are!  The auditions were amazing.  When the entire audition team either gets goosebumps, tears or both, you know something is happening.  When you see strangers being "in" community with each other, supporting and rejoicing, complimenting and reveling, you know it is going to happen.  It is happening.

The prep that is going and gone into this production, the vision casting and brainstorming, the auditions (beyond extraordinary!) and the amazing production team, if these are any indication, this show is going to be WOWZA.

Tonight it all begins, the sweat equity of creating a community through theatre, the reformation of a concept to bring more than music to a stage, but revolution and evolution to an area and an era.  I can't wait to tell you what tonight brings!  Till then, I gotta get some 90's vibes going and get ready to sweat!  Wowza, we are finally starting!  I want to move into the theatre and make things happen now.  The vision is about to project far beyond our minds eye.  More goosebumps are in store.

Happy to be in the details

You know the old saying, right?  It is all in the details.  Well, there is a lot more than 'it', let me tell you.  There is 'this' and 'that' and 'just one more thing' and probably a thousand other little items that need to be done.  I think that is where the rubber meets the road in community theatre.  If you can handle it, you will always have something to do in community theatre.  If not, it was nice working with you, hope to see you again.

We see people who need a break, people who just want to be involved with the shows on their personal bucket list, people who come in for just this one show, because it is their favorite and our community happens to be doing it.  We see so many, many different types of people take part in so many ways; some never leave.  That is the community that DLO grows.

For me - I love figuring out the details, being involved in them all, doing as much as possible.  The only thing I don't get to do enough...sing!  Isn't that funny?  But it's more than OK.  I get to enjoy all the amazing voices that step out from the curtain.  I get to find ways to make them better through running sound, or add to their song while playing in the orchestra.

We each have something to give and I am thinking RENT is going to stretch us all and introduce us to some new passerby's.  I hope we can find a way to make them a more permanent part of the community of DLO.  There is so much to do.  I get to work with some awesome people who all have one goal and all are part of the machine that makes it happen.

We will be at auditions in just a few days and the magic will once again start to happen.  The details will become clearer and will become many, but they are not all on my shoulder, so I am happy to be in the midst of them with my friends.  Now off to check some of them off my list so we can have auditions!

Nobody wanted the pizza

Yesterday I experience my first peasant feast.  Our first full production meeting for the show.  It was interesting and eclectic.  If you don't know the reference to a peasant feast, here is a snippet from lifecafe.com

      We call the meal a “Peasant Feast” after the “potluck” dinners Jonathan used to have with his friends back in the late 80s and early 90s. Everyone was pretty broke, so when they’d get together for a special event, everyone brought something to share to eat. And then they’d share a bit of what they’ve been working on creatively.

Larson and his friends didn't share fancy food, they shared whatever they had, crackers, nuts, just whatever they might have left, trying to make to their next payday (if they had one).  That is what this show is all about, sharing what we have.  Not money, not status, but heart, love, and, making community through it all.

Our feast menu:
cookies
cupcakes
tomatoes
cheddar cheese
crackers
hummus
fruit pizza
corn salad
marshmallows
make your own 'pizza' (hotdog buns, pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese)

Eclectic, for sure, but still not from 'poor' pantrys.  but our intent, to experience a gathering, perfect.  We had our short meeting and then food.  There was more talk about the show during our meal than our meeting.  We made plans, talked about ideas, shared wants.  All minds were "on task" and focused on our project.  Let me tell you, there were some intense moments. (Read Jesse's blog, brigadude.blogspot.com) Things are happening in our production already and we haven't even had auditions!  Reaching, connecting, growing. That is what it is all about and we can see the seedlings starting to grow.  Our feast, delicious, but....no one wanted the 'pizza'.  Guess we weren't hungry enough!  Maybe next time.

We start at the beginning

It's a very nice place to start!  No, we aren't doing that show...RENT begins with a lease.  Sign your life away and commit to the process, commit to the steps.  I think we might be on an 8th floor walk-up!  There are a lot of details and we are immersed and it is wonderful.  In many ways, like the new adventure of renting your first apartment.  You don't know what to expect but every day, every step, you learn more about yourself, about your roommates and about life.

This journey is going to be amazing, in the scope of DLO, in the scope of musical interpretation and in the scope, most importantly, of Danville.  We are breaking barriers, changing procedures, making nearly every aspect of the show different from any other show DLO has produced.

I can't wait to see the results.  They are going to amaze.  We have had a few team meetings getting ready.  Auditions are only one week away.  Today, we feast!  A peasant's feast...look it up.  Probably the best kind, no showing off, no bragging, just sharing with friends what you have to offer.  As my friend the director would say...organic.

My part of all of this-many and varied, but the best part, I get to see the show over and over and over.  From the sound booth.  I get to listen to the music, listen to the heart of the show, see the hidden and overt meanings, watch the process and witness the change.  I can't wait to share with you and share RENT with Danville.  It's going to rock in more ways than one!